04.14.08
Teeny Knitting, Teeny Blogging
Has this ever happened to anyone else? For the last week I have been thinking more and more that I really ought to get a post up here, and I sort of half woke up in the night last night thinking about it. As I lay there semi-conscious, I started composing the post in my head, and I remember thinking it was really, really good, and all I’d have to do today is type it up from memory in the morning (of course I’d remember it perfectly!). As you might have predicted, I remembered almost nothing, and the highly questionable quality of the few bits I do remember suggests that I should not mourn the loss of the rest. For example, central to the post was going to be the excuse that I haven’t posted for so long because I lost the keys to my blog, and then when I found them I couldn’t get the blog to start. You totally would have accepted that explanation, right?
Readers, there is much happening at Lickety Knit Headquarters these days, but very little of it has to do with knitting. I hope this will change very soon, but in the meantime, I do feel as though I ought to give you a mini-post just to stem the tide of very thoughtful emails I’m getting inquiring after my health and well being. My health is good and my being is well, thank you — just otherwise occupied at the moment. You will have my undivided attention again shortly.
I did recently knit this itty bitty sweater out of leftover sock yarn for a figurine on the top of a bowling trophy. Isn’t it cute? I’m rather proud of it. Please leave your impressed and envious comments below, and thanks for reading my blog this month! See you all next time.
Oh, what, you want to know why I knit a sweater for a bowling trophy figurine? A girl can’t just knit mini sweaters for inanimate objects without getting the third degree? When did you all get so demanding? And after I was just telling you how busy I am. Okay, okay, fine. It’s a good thing I love you all so much.
It’s sort of a random story. I have a good friend/colleague named Cory. I’ve mentioned Cory on this blog before: he’s the one who is always threatening to sneak a particularly ill-considered photo from this blog of me knitting in the shower into a work PowerPoint presentation. Anyway, when he started reading my blog, I added “this awesome sweater for my friend Cory” as an item in my on deck list in my sidebar, and it linked to a site selling the pattern for the awful sweater pictured here (tragically, and to the unquestionable detriment of the internet, the original link is now defunct). No real reason, I just thought it was funny.
Well, so did a mutual friend of ours, Leigh, who also happens to be a bit of a Photoshop whiz. Leigh felt inspired to bring the dream of Cory’s very special sweater one step closer to reality by applying it to a photo of Cory as realistically as possible; her artistry is seen here. The photo has since found many uses in the service of making fun of Cory (something I know I do at my peril, since he has access to that aforementioned shower knitting photo), including being circulated among all the members of our team at work via email. It has become a bit of a running joke.
Speaking of our team at work, ever year we have our holiday party at a local bowling alley, and the competition for the top prize is vicious. Winning comes with a truckload of bragging rights and this chintzy trophy. Cory has been out-bowled every year since the inception of the competition, but this past December, due mostly to steep attrition among the more talented bowlers in the office, he managed to capture the top score. He was overjoyed about his victory, and he wasted no time becoming quite insufferable in his boasting about it. The trophy was displayed on an elaborate pedestal right in the doorway of his office. He brought it up at every meeting. In the face of all that, what else could I do but bedeck the trophy a mini version of the pig sweater? I have no doubt that any one of you would have done the same when confronted with the same circumstances.
The thing that makes me particularly happy is that the sweater had to be seamed directly onto the trophy, because one of the arms is continuous with the base. Therefore, the only way it’s ever coming off is with scissors, and I am confident that no one is heartless enough to take scissors to handknits. (If someone does, I have the full fury of the knitblogging community behind me, right?)
By the way, this sweater would not have been possible without the generosity of Laura and Minty, who between them sent me three different pink sock yarns. Because the two of them fight constantly for my affection, I won’t tell you whose I ultimately chose. As my mom used to say when she didn’t feel up to figuring out why my sister and I were fighting, “Girls, you’re both pretty.”
I know this post was much ado about nothing (possibly also sound and fury signifying nothing). And I know I’ve been abysmal about reading blogs recently. But I promise that my next post will be more exciting, and I promise it will come within a month. Have I ever let you down? Don’t answer that.
Mintyfresh said,
April 14, 2008 at 8:41 pm
It’s sweet of you to attempt to placate me by mentioning that I sent yarn and you wouldn’t say whose you used, yadda yadda, because I can see plain as day that you chose Laura over me. Harumph.
ps. I love, love, love the sweater sewed directly onto the trophy. 20 years from now, when you’re no longer at the job but for some inexplicable reason they still have a bowling competition (academia is so slow to move on to the new, totally virtual, high-tech games we will have by then), this tattered sweater will still be hanging onto the shiny fake metal, and people will remember you.
Amy said,
April 14, 2008 at 8:56 pm
The pig sweater is hilarious, and the mini sweater is just the icing on the cake. Y’all just have too much fun at work.
Amy
Laura said,
April 14, 2008 at 8:56 pm
OH! so Minty says that it’s MY yarn for sure? Well then, I can stop forming my arguments about how the pink yarn that Minty sent you was probably originally MY pink yarn that I sent to her to use. I knew you picked me. Let’s face it–long ago you promised much blog-love for sending you the yarn so I’m sure that you duplicate-stitched that pig without even looking at the yarn that Minty sent to you.
I’m very impressed with the pig. Although we can’t see the head, the rest of it looks very pig-like and I’m not just saying that to make you love me more.
If you like, I can send you more pink yarn and you can knit a pair of pink leggings for the little trophy girl.
Heather said,
April 14, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Another tale of American Workplace Productivity. Glad you guys have so much time at work for Internet/Photoshop hijinx!:)
leigh said,
April 14, 2008 at 10:01 pm
hysterical! has cory seen it yet?
earthchick said,
April 14, 2008 at 10:10 pm
How sad is it that I like the trophy sweater almost enough to want one (me-sized) myself? You really did a great job – it’s much better than the original design. Okay, that sounded like damning you with faint praise, but seriously, yours is cute. And I’m so impressed that you seamed it directly onto the trophy!
Also, please tell me that Leigh also Photoshopped those pink pants onto Cory.
[welcome back to the internets! we've missed you!]
Melanie said,
April 14, 2008 at 10:57 pm
I love the trophy sweater! What a neat way to cute up those awful looking trophy’s.
Erika said,
April 15, 2008 at 12:14 am
Heehee! I like the itty sweater, and the big one is so…so…well, if I ever have to give a presentation I may calm myself down by imagining that everyone in the audience is wearing that thing.
Knitting Gnome said,
April 15, 2008 at 5:49 am
One of the funniest jokes I have seen. The pig sweater was surely created just for this purpose. The tiny sweater…genius!
Angela said,
April 15, 2008 at 6:09 am
Ha! Just for an instant I wished I worked in an office and had colleagues with whom I could have meetings and go bowling (but I’m over it now). I do feel I should point out that your tiny sweater may not be as safe from scissors as you imagine; this very day, Wendy of http://wendyknits.net/ posted about cutting up handknits, and with a readership like hers, well, probably no sweater is safe.
Shelley said,
April 15, 2008 at 7:00 am
Love the mini bowling trophy sweater! You just watch – you’ve started a trend in blogland now…everyone will have those little sweaters and other miscellaney for their trophys and who knows what else! Ok…so if that happens, you can thank me for planting the idea subconsciously into peoples minds and you could hold a contest for the best trophy/whatnot article of clothing, and send me a prize for suggesting it ;o).
Michelle said,
April 15, 2008 at 7:36 am
Those sweaters are wonderful! I was wondering how you got the sweater on the trophy. And I’m so glad that I’m not the only one composing blog posts while falling asleep and then forgetting them. :-)
nova said,
April 15, 2008 at 7:37 am
At first (before reading the post) I thought you actually found a way to knit the pig giant pig sweater. There was much snorting involved. Also, the mini sweater is a work of pure genius. A wonderful way to say, “it’s March, I have knit a sweater for 2008.”
Adriana said,
April 15, 2008 at 8:06 am
That sweater is seriously awesome! As always, your writing is a joy to read :)
kim said,
April 15, 2008 at 8:34 am
Okay, before I read the actual post, that picture of your friend in the sweater TOTALLY fooled me. What a great story, I see a sweater in the future for my bf’s lego Darth Vader.
Allison said,
April 15, 2008 at 9:15 am
As soon as I saw the sweater, I thought…”She must have seamed it onto the trophy! She’s brilliant AND slightly insane! An evil mastermind of knitting!” Seriously, that’s so cool.
JayJay said,
April 15, 2008 at 9:17 am
I love the mini sweater and the fact that you searched for and found such a hideous pattern to torment your coworker. I am in awe of you. Also, your friend has mad Photoshop skills!
Theresa said,
April 15, 2008 at 9:36 am
Hard to imagine seaming directly onto a statue. That is quite dedication!
Specs said,
April 15, 2008 at 10:19 am
So when I saw the trophy photo on flickr, I spent a good 5 minutes trying to figure out how you got the sweater on the bowler. I am pleased to discover that I’m not a complete moron and that this operation is entirely impossible with a complete/seamed sweater. Phew.
sari said,
April 15, 2008 at 11:36 am
i love that tiny sweater. and i love that someone took the time to photoshop one onto cory.
this might be the funniest post ever!
Helen said,
April 15, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Brilliant!
Simply brilliant.
whitney said,
April 15, 2008 at 1:24 pm
This post completely cracked me up. The mini-sweater is awesome!
Laura said,
April 15, 2008 at 1:47 pm
I found this totally entertaining. It’s possible this is because I work in a place where a good shenanigan is also known to happen, but great story. :)
Knittypants said,
April 15, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I love what your mom said about both you girls being pretty. I am totally putting in into my arsenal of things to say when my kids fight.
“Jarvis, Kaelen be quiet now darlings, you are both pretty.”
It really is perfect, please thank your mother for me :-)
Cute sweater, too.
Cory said,
April 15, 2008 at 5:09 pm
A few points:
- Rachel did not metion that when she woke up thinking about the the topic for this post she was actually sleeping at work. We don’t wake her because she is more productive sleeping than awake.
- She did not mention that the trophy I am receiving while “wearing” the pig sweater was for running a program that taught squash to kids from an inner-city school. The fact that Rachel didn’t mention this shows that she obviously hates children.
- Much to Rachel’s dismay the bowling trophy having a sweater on it has made it even more noticeable to everyone in the office which has brought even more attention to my bowling triumph than would have been the case if she had left it unadorned.
- Yes, those are pink pants and the people from Jo-Ann have contacted me about apprearing in their next ad.
Emily said,
April 15, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Trophy sweaters are a logical progression from baby sweaters.
Cory, those pink pants look stunning with the pig sweater.
Kris said,
April 15, 2008 at 9:07 pm
I love all of it. I especially love the Cory cops to wearing pink pants.
Carry said,
April 16, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Pig sweater??? OMFSM I must make a teeny, tiny, piggy sweater!!!
Again, I owe you the world’s longest email. Really. I’m bad but I’m contrite, does that count?
Karin said,
April 16, 2008 at 4:24 pm
*chuckles* That’s too funny ^_^. I don’t think I saw what his response to the mini sweater was though
Amy said,
April 16, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Rachel, you are brilliant – I’m wholeheartedly jumping on the licketyknit bandwagon after lurking, reading, and laughing for a few weeks. I’m a new blogger and I tip my hat to your fabulousness.
Cory secretly LOVES all this Pig Sweater business. He’s just hoping you’ll add a hat, mittens, and a pair of leg warmers to match.
I’m now pontificating upon which items at the office can I adorn with tiny knits and then pretend to be just as surprised as everyone else to find it that way.
Wapsy said,
April 17, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Girls, you’re both going in the wood stove.
Sonya said,
April 22, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Did you have to kidnap the trophy to take it home for the sweater fitting? We have little Toot & Puddle stuffed pigs (I think they are pigs). Anyway, they occasionally go missing from the Children’s Dept and turn up later with pictures of their somewhat riske (pretend there’s an accent there) adventures.
“Girls, you’re both pretty.” For some reason that completely cracks me up.
Debby said,
April 22, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Your workplace must be a scream. Sounds like you have co-workers with a great sense of humor. Invaluable in these high stress times. But now all the trophy winners will want their own sweaters for their trophies.
alison said,
April 27, 2008 at 12:35 am
I will admit that for a second I thought I had stumbled into another realm, where statues needed sweaters because they cam alive after dark. I am glad I read on to find out the whole story. It was so funny and if any one dares to even think of taking scissors to that sweater, well lets just say that they might wish they had entered a different realm.
Heather said,
April 30, 2008 at 9:58 am
Ahem. For the record, I am posting. Because Matt just called me. I want to tell you I admire your efficiency. ;)
renee said,
May 30, 2008 at 10:29 am
Ok, I was just looking for a way to thank Matt for the progress bar tutorial without sending an e-mail, when I was hailed by the twin pictures and the pink sweater. I love this post! It has made my day!
Funniest pictures and explanatory posting ever! I love how attached Cory is to the trophy. I don’t blame him, because I am so bad at sports that just finishing an event makes it legendary. Congratulations on the twins!
Thanks, Matt! Y’all rock!
P.S. Please excuse the 1,000 exclamations points…I’m trying to cut down, truly! oh crap, there it goes again! And again. And here’s another one, just for posterity! lol
Less wussy, more sassy « Sassy does it - a knitting blog said,
June 15, 2008 at 7:28 pm
[...] Hilarious story here [...]